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the latest lows   
10:30am 09/07/2005
For the past few months I have just not felt like thinking. Everything seems to be working on automatic, carrying things all day lets my mind slip into neutral and I drift off daydreaming. I play poker all night and the only thing I concentrate on are the cards in front of me and the other players at the table. I eat, I drink, I sleep, no new inventions, no writing, and all my mundane projects like painting or working on the bikes slip past me from day to day with out completion. My distrust of the outside world has grown awkward to say the least. Just the smallest thing can deter me from going out. Maybe the traffic is too much to fight, why bother to go down town if there is no place to park. Who might I see out and how stupid will I feel? My lack of friends is really starting to get to me. Johnny needs a new groove. Now with all the depressing chatter out of the way on to the good things. My job is going well it seems every weekend one more dirtbag from the crew gets beat up, stabbed, crushed between two cars, thrown in jail, or lost their license. Every Monday morning in the break room is like Christmas for me, stories galore. I figure if I stick it out long enough I might be the last man standing. My poker playing has gone into over drive thanks to the new card room at the shanghai garden. Add in the skybox, a few privet games, my Saturday home game and I pretty much have a game every night. Hell who needs friends? ~jon~
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old truck new smell   
02:45pm 10/02/2005
  New old truck & pussy.
I’ve been too busy to update in some time now. I’m holding down 2 jobs (united & dealing poker @ skybox) more on those fun filled jobs later. First for my big dick Magee pick up, it’s a 1976 ford ¾ ton who knows what F-series it is because it has been stripped down and rebuilt too many times by too many tweekers to even guess. It’s got about 20,000 on the latest rebuild 390cc the lights and wipers work and that’s about all I care about for woodcutting and odd jobs. I got it for only 700 from a guy I work with who was thinking he might be off to the big house for a few years. Sweet. But good luck comes and goes, 3 days prior to my tryouts for the poker dealing job I nearly cut off the tip of my left thumb trying to pry 2 frozen chicken breasts apart. (I’ve always been more of an ass man anyway) I got the gig nonetheless and the thumb healed nicely. About a week ago I came home in a drunken stupor, nothing new with that, but I unfortunately had a hankering for top ramen. I came too the next morning clutching a pillow between my legs covered in drool (nothing new there either) the house was a nazi death chamber of stench. I’m not talking just your basic leaving fish sticks in the oven stink. this was full out I need to burn this house down and move stench. So all my free time for the past week that has not been spent working, posting to e-bay, making jewelry, playing poker, or drinking has been spent scrubbing walls and washing every thing that will fit into my washer. Now you can see why I have not updated in sometime….. my life still sucks ass not to mention smells like it too. ~jon~
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WTF? over.   
07:51pm 08/12/2004
  Just back from Vancouver B.C. Played poker at the new River Rock Casino did well but not “that” well. Turns out Mr. Ben Affleck (sp) was playing no limit texas hold’em in the very same room as I. Too bad I was at a lowly 1-2 Texas game about as far away as you can get from the big boys. Some day. Some day. Off to Reno Dec. 13th hope to do well at the tables at the Eldarado Casino. As I type this I have two good friends in jail right now and checking the temperature in my room, I am starting to think they might have found a good winter vacation spot. More photos soon, not to mention the Mel birthday blow out drinking spree coming up. Yay. ~j  
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Good morning Thanksgiving   
12:26pm 25/11/2004
I crawled out of bed this morning after a long night of poker playing to ignite a fire with used motor oil soaked pinecones and a breakfast of Jack Daniel’s and sweet & sour mix. I have a feeling I’m not going to get much done today besides a little sewing.

it’s not fucking earth day
Get the ball rolling   
05:38pm 01/11/2004
  brothelMy memory is flighty at best but since my last post (trip to Reno) I have been out to gamble at the Oregon coast and the local Indian casino, Ka-nee-ta, then I flew down to Las Vages (that trip alone could fill a few pages) for some fun poker action at the Monte Carlo, if you’re a poker player play there for sure. With-in weeks of getting back to Bend and stabbing my best friend we were off on the 98.00 casino express flight to Elko Nevada. Fun town for sure, 2-10 poker game with rubes, 2.00 craps tables, and an Asian brothel. What more could you ask for? Nothing I tell ya nothing at all. Photos follow

viva lost wages
me out in front of the Paris stay away from their craps tables bad JU-JU. But I saw a sweet Asian wedding inside so that was worth the 200 I dropped right? Whoop.

Dirty Girls, yehaw
bikin bull riding, man you have to love Vages.

Elko & a bomb?
I guess you can buy very large guided missiles in Elko
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What not to say, road trips, & the pixies   
06:37pm 07/10/2004
  shut up jon
In my what not to say segment: I’ll start out with “gee (insert GF name here, who just picked up a porno mag. in your house) doesn’t that second girl look like the bartender down at (insert local bar name)?”. Be prepared to be swatted about the head with porno mag. Then later that evening as luck would have it, while out drinking i ran into aforementioned ‘tender and receive a nice big friendly hug while the GF looks on and fumes. Follow that sweet one up later in the week with a comment like “ man amputees sure make me hot”. How the hell did I manage to get a double arm amputee to walk up to me later that night and flirt? Don’t ask me I’m just the idiot saying stupid shit. In other angrychef news we hit the Pixies show the other night and good times were had. I made about 125 in tips for 3 hours of work, and a free show. Unfortunately while breakfasting at the D the next day I was talked into a trip to Portland to go to Dante’s SINFERNO CABARET that Sunday night. Not a good plan to say the least. I wasted what cash I made at the pixies, plus what I won at poker later Saturday night on what I can only imagine is the oldest working stripper in Portland. After deciding current company would rather party on with out the chef and i. I called up a long time friend or I should say fiend so we could meet up at the tiger bar. With good ol’ nick cave playing in the background we set out on an odyssey of sin & perversion ourselves. I will not get into too many details here but pharmaceuticals, absinthe, and very old strippers with huge fake boobs played major roles in my nights activities, also a bar shaped like a bum jug called the pirates cove and crashing in an apartment over a jack shack. Being back in bend with no cash or roommate prospects is not so bad after all. Someone shoot me.

what oncoming cars see
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more dwelling photos   
09:12pm 22/08/2004
  cross posted to saucy dwellings
This will be my 3rd post to SD I love the ideas I see posted and like to share my own. I have been working on setting up my house with a little casino “flair” type of thing. I’ve already posted photos of the tile flooring project ( link ) and poker / gaming tables ( link ) this time around I am showing off a little round corner bar I picked up at the goodwill (well actually in the ally behind the goodwill at about 3 AM) I call it my “tweeker bar” -notice glass top, all my Hipster friends have tiki bars so I decided to go a little more white-trash and give my casino patrons a nice clean glass-top to do a refreshing line or two off of. (joke) along with the bar re-paint and glass tile work I got lucky in an OfficeMax dumpster and found 2 thrown out desk chairs that the backs broke off of. I reupholstered them will skull canvas and made a neat set of barstools. My den (poker-room) ceiling I covered in free AOL CD’s to give it that gaudy “mirrored” look and A large brass hanging light over the poker table that I am cutting out card suit shapes out of to reflect up onto the ceiling. Last but not least, one of my first and favorite jobs is my “captains chair”. I was lucky enough to score this 50’s Belvedere barber chair from a local hairdresser that I helped move. The only thing I had to do was replace the broken hydraulic lift with a car jack I found at the auto yard and reupholster it to match the front room. Any ideas or tips are welcome. Photos behind the cut.

photosCollapse )
thanks for looking. ~jon~
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Air hocky Chump.   
01:30pm 12/08/2004

Sales are up, my winning streak is back, (poker & Air hockey). On or off the wagon I am not sure, but the booze is flowing freely once more, E-bay is running smooth. Now all I need is to be able to walk. The toe is still broken, roommates run up bills faster than I can pay them, I still need a real job, but with the limp it’s not lookin’ good. I’m re-reading all my favorite sci-fi books to kill time while I heal, and making some killer Chain mail for steelgirl.com thinking about buying another laptop any tips would be appreciated I had a Compac (SO-SO) but I am thinking about a Dell?
Super Suckers & pig brains   
01:24pm 05/08/2004
  two bitches

ah the SuperSuckers and the chef. The sheer volume of booze consumed last evening was astronomical to say the least. I still have to wander out into the front yard to clean up the assorted Pabst cans and bottles littering the lawn. But back to last night, our miserable attempts at gaining free entry for the chef met with bitter disappointment so we were forced to pay, but it was well worth it. The Suckers put on one hell of a good show, much shirtless dancing was done. My poor tattoo artist Angela strangely enough was the only one out of our group to get into a fight. For no apparent reason some rather large and portly girl started raining blows into the back of Angela’s head as she sat on the stage. the aggressor was tossed out and the show went on. The rest of the night passed in somewhat of a blurr, seems I am getting good at the “borderline black-out” I know we went to club D&D and drank more after the show and managed to make it home sometime around 2ish in the AM. I had one jewelry sale during the night so I came out on top as far as spending went. Recent weeks updates: One morning in Reno I woke up with an oxygen tank (no clue). We had a going away Roast for a friend who moved off. That night I managed to lose 60 bucks at poker and black the hell out after chugging a pint or so of Vodka, I have been informed that my girl roomie is prego so I am going to be in search of a new housemate soon. But on the plus side as long as she still lives here she can no longer steal my beers. I have acquired a new white trash addiction: Oregon scratch-it lottery tickets… (thanks Beck) and have yet to win a dime. my latest tattoo is finished. I have high hopes this year of getting a cougar for my planed “Uncle Drinkies Kitty-Q” all my hunter buddies swear they are going to bag one this year. I joined the Potted Meat of the month Club (PMC) my first can will be pig brains in milk gravy.
I have been in E-bay overdrive trying to drum up cash for a weekend out at the coast. My toe is still broke and so am I. And to top it off a new Nick Cave album comes out soon.

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another moving day.   
09:35pm 14/07/2004
  another moving day.

big slow truck

Should be off to Reno by the time anyone reads this little update. Today was moving day for a friend and what a hot sweaty moving day it was. Upper 90’s and shit. I have driven my fair share of U-Hauls in the past few years from the east coast to the west. From Nashville deep into the wilds of Klantucky but today’s truck was hands down the worst. No high gears, blue clouds of smoke followed us everywhere, the noise the beast gave off was enough to wake the dead, and to top it off no tunes. That’s my lot in life I guess, oh well. I won over 60 bucks in a pick up game of no-limit Texas hold-um last night; I feel that’s a good start for Reno. The Chef and I seem to be back on good terms although I have yet to see him to get all the gory details of the past week or so, I’m sure they are just wonderful.
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More trip tails coming up….   
07:34pm 12/07/2004


Looks like I’m off to Reno for a few days this week. Also helping a friend move. Helping my tattoo artist install a few gates. Helping other tattoo artist scan artwork and do biz cards. Have to find some time to install a door for friend. My fav. Bartender is feeling neglected and pissed so I have to visit. My roommate’s car is pouring out anti-freeze so it’s more than likely up to me to fix that. I still need to find a job. Lawn care and house work are pilling up. I have yet to do anything new on the creative front in weeks. It seems I need a vacation from my vacation and Reno looks to be it. Later suckers.

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new tattoo day   
07:43pm 07/07/2004
  chest deep in the muck.

Got started on my next tattoo at mum’s today, see above. Not much new other than that might head to the coast to gamble. The chef is very angry not that that is news. I have won over 200 in poker in the past week and managed to pay off a credit card! Yay debt.
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good morning sunshine   
12:03pm 29/06/2004
  Woke up this morning wrapped around my toilet, good thing I just cleaned my bathroom last week, also it Looks like I’m going camping tonight. No toilets in the woods, wish me luck.  
Waist deep in the muck.   
03:13pm 25/06/2004
  Waist deep in the muck.

It’s hard to describe the first waking moments the morning after a black out. At first there’s a surge of energy and not a tinge of hangover I always feel rested and nightmare free. Then the “oh shit” dread starts to crawl it’s way up my spine. I start by thinking of myself first like any defective human. I dash out front to check on my car. If it’s there and all tires and dents are accounted for the initial fear subsides a bit. (Once it took all of a day to finally find my car, only to discover both the passenger side tires had been torn off and I ditched it in a yard across the street from a schoolyard) Then it’s on to my possessions. Hat, coat, satchel, music, all have been regularly discarded during a good row. I think in the past year or so I have lost at least 4 or 5 coats all very distinctive. Who knows where they end up? Once I woke up in the living room of my house clothed only in boxers it took a few hours and a friend to point out that everything I wore the night prior was up on my roof. If all is accounted for I start in on my pockets checking for credit card slips and the amount of cash left over. Some nights this gives me no clues, I’ve even ended the night up over 400 bucks once but that’s a story for another time or flat broke. Then the waiting begins, this is the worst part of the whole experience, the wait next to the phone to see just how bad it was, who did I piss off? What bar was I thrown out of, and asked never to return? What ill-conceived plan backfired, whose car did I try to steal? Who’s friends did I slovenly try to pick up on? What blunder of the mouth did I commit? Fights go without saying I’m always sure there were one or two depending on whom I was hanging out with. Back in the day I had the the sober guy to run with and catalog my errors for reflection the next day or whenever I snapped out of my binge. once it lasted over a month and I still have no clue how I drank that much time and money away, but he’s long grown tired of the chaos that is my life. The Chef just fuels the mayhem, and what’s worse, if the drink flows too fast we end up fighting each other. All of this sounds ridiculous to repeat week after week month after month but what’s the alternative? Nightmares, despair, lethargy, and a general lack of caring. If I stay sober too long the ghosts start piling up and the nightmares become unbearable. Until someone devises an instant lobotomy kit or pill I’m on the train for some time to come. Buy me a beer I’ll tell you a good story if my memory holds on until the morning.
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tales of sin.   
09:26am 22/06/2004
  fitting tattoo
Some time ago in a life worth living I used to manage a porn shop billed as the worlds largest adult bookstore (Metro News in Nashville TN.) It was enormous, a warehouse of sticky sin. The stories I have from my year there relate some of the sickest and vile friends I ever had the great pleasure to make. Mike (miss Venus Envy) my transvestite roommate and master straight guy bender, Could fill a whole novel. Having a 6’ ft 2” guy burst into my room at all hours asking if I could “see package or not” or just toss a roll of Duct tape at me and yodel “make me some boobs, house boy!” was just too funny, and what’s better was waking up early to ask the straight guys if they wanted breakfast as they tried to sneak out of the house after realizing they woke up with a man, ah the real face of horror. With-in my first week or so of work at the metro I met a large handful of freaks. Charley, our resident thumb-sucking, hairy, 50ish man would sneak into the back jerk booths at least once a week and strip down to depends and sit cross-legged on the floor while sucking his thumb. The first time I had to deal with him I lost it, started yelling and tossed him out (all with out touching the nut-bar) during the shift change the next morning I was told by the then manager to chill out on the nuts and make some extra cash, just call him a “bad boy and to “go home” he will leave you 20 bucks on the way out. And no shit he always did. (Am I a whore or what?) Other great perks of working at the porn shop were all the “amateur” videos random people would drop off in hopes that we would purchase them. No way in hell would we buy sex tapes off the street but it never stopped me from reviewing and critiquing them for the performers. Every prospective porn star would take everything I had to say as the gospel. To the husband and wife team I would say “you need more cum on the money shot, pros use extra guys to achieve that” to the huge black man who wrote elaborate scripts “get a better looking hooker, Asian maybe” to the drunk frat boys “get her consent next time, Skippy” to the gay men “EEEWWWWW” everyone would get some tips and sent packing with a “better luck next time” speech I had prepared to keep the movies coming in. I’ll end this rambling porn update with my least favorite tale. One late night after the bars closed down I started to get complaints about noise (grunts & slapping) coming from a booth that was not being paid for. It being my job to be sure the freaks are plugging tokens into the machines while they give and or get hand jobs I head to the backroom to roust the deadbeats. Most of the time it would be some cheap hooker giving a rim job or some such thing this time unfortunately it was 4 suit wearing fruits pulling a train. I yelled a few times prior to using my pass key to open the door but I think they were all so high on rush that no one noticed me screaming until I had the flash light trained on their faces. I get a huge smile from the caboose position, puzzled and confused from the middle two gentlemen but the engineer without so much as a reach around looked pissed off and sad all at the same time. The funny thing was no one was the least bit ashamed. ~jon~
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another friday night.   
01:10pm 19/06/2004
  Back in Black-out mode last night. Guess I missed out on some good drama at the bars. I never think to take photos while I am in the thick of things, which is sad because I miss some good stuff. Ex’s showing up, girl fights (almost), me doing stupid shit, the chef out of control as always. My day started like every other day, posting useless crap to e bay in an effort to rid my house of “stuff” I set up my new table saw and started cutting out coffin shaped pieces of wood to paint on. Around 4ish the drinking started and soon afterwards the chef and his new sidekick showed up to really get the party started. We killed the last 6-pac at home then hit the Westside tavern for some jukebox drinking. things begin to get a bit fuzzy around this time. I am told we ended up at timbers south (hick bar) by way of grovers pub. Nothing too out standing besides the amount of alcohol consumed, me making an asshat out of myself via dancing and mackin’ somehow I made it home this morning unscathed and with nearly every thing intact, go figure.  
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Knee deep in the muck.   
02:10pm 17/06/2004
  Knee deep in the muck.
Thank heaven for 7-11
I always wonder if it’s just me or if anyone else sits around airports or other congested areas thinking they recognize every other person in the crowd. Maybe it’s due to my age or the fact that I have drank most of my memory away in the past 3 years. I have to restrain myself from starting up random convo’s a lot of the time. This morning at 7-11 I bought a sparks “energy” drink (6.5 alcohol) and 3 Steel reserve 24 ounce cans to get me kick started for the day. the total was 6.66 Thank Heaven for 7-11 ™ ® © as seen on the receipt. New Angry chefs T-shirts are coming off the production line, your choice from “VIRGIN” or “SLUT” you know who you are, order up. All proceeds go towards buying me more memory juice. Recent events require massive memory loss but then agene what’s new?
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Back in Bend.. unfortunatly   
02:10pm 08/06/2004
  My arrival in bend was met with a flurry of activities and hurdles. The 36’s poker tourney (27 entrants: I did not win), roommate swap-out, extreme house cleaning, backyard boxing ring building, Gift giving to friends and bartenders. Although some bartenders may be friends (rare) it’s best to keep on the good side of the few who let me into their respective establishments. Trying to play catch up with the Chefs current Drama: Roommates, ‘hoes, arrests, etc. getting back into the E-bay groove. And of course quality time with the Rodeo Queen ;) more St. Louis adventures as my memory returns.  
Welcome to the big city dip shit   
08:47am 31/05/2004
  Dirty ol’ South

I need to adjust back to big city livin’
A few days with-in arriving in St. Louis I found my self driving around looking for thrift stores in a “bad” part of town. alternating between looking down at the map on my lap and keeping an eye on traffic is not one of my strong suits, and doing so while driving a friends 2004 eclipse is just not a good idea. At one point during the day I’m stopped at a traffic light busily studying a phone book and a map at the same time, when I happen to look to the left and see a girl walking out of a bar (11 AM) She immediately makes eye contact with me and while flashing a big smile mouths something or other to me. Wow, I think to myself, this car really gets the babes. Thinking she would make an excellent person to ask directions from. I circle the block in hopes of pulling up next to her to ask for help. As I pull up to the sidewalk next to her I notice the high-heel boots, hot pants and a general slovenly look about the would-be good Samaritan. then it dawns on me, She’s a hooker or worse a cop disguised as a streetwalker, and I’m a dumbass for not realizing that sooner. After a wink and a smile I floor it back out into traffic, thinking to myself “Welcome to the big city, you Dipshit” I’m heading out to see the arch today along with other miscellany errands… you can buy Jack Dan’ in the grocery stores here. Why leave? ~joN~

YA gets flushed
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paint louis.   
10:33am 27/05/2004
  I’m still alive despite the floods, thunderstorms, and Tornado warnings. Not to mention the killer hail stones from hell.

What I’m doing most of the day or night


>Lost my cell phone for awhile
>River boat casinos!
>“ghetto” thrift store shopping, I could write a book.
>Race car drivin’
>The budwiser tour. –not as much free bud as I was told-
>Thi food
>Rain storms you can’t see in.
>The food here is Da’ bomb
>Being on the other side of the country makes it hard for the”Chef” to kill me.
Will update more later if I live.
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